Disappointment, frustration and betrayal are the feelings couples struggle with most.  If trying to overcome these feelings isn’t working, learn how to use them to understand yourself and your spouse better.

About “Sanity” Workshops and Programs for Couples

Without knowing what to do with our most challenging emotions, marriage is disappointing and frustrating. Couples often wonder: “Why doesn’t my partner see the good in me, and how do they manage to bring out the worst in me?” The answer discovered by Dr. Claudia Luiz after more than twenty years of clinical practice, is that couples come up against their most challenging emotions when dealing with their partners. Learning what to do with those feelings, instead of trying to harness and control them, is the key to a lasting marriage.

Feelings of disappointment, frustration and betrayal usually destroy marriages. However, these same feelings, when used properly, can guide, inform and deepen a marriage. Claudia Luiz’s “sanity” method teaches couples how to follow their emotions. When couples learn how to follow their emotions, they experience new depths of closeness and intimacy.

As couples learn how to follow their emotions in search of the right emotional experiences, they naturally become stronger and more able to manage even the most challenging disappointment and feelings of betrayal. A new trust increases, based on deep knowledge of the other person. Each person’s individuality no longer interferes with closeness, and family life becomes more enjoyable.

This is the key: to provide couples with a new way of managing their emotions that set them up with a greater potential to enjoy connectedness and closeness – even when differences and conflict arise. Dr. Claudia Luiz believes that learning how to use and manage difficult emotions instead of trying to control them and change them is the key to creating a calm and peaceful marriage where everybody has the focus and energy to grow to their full potential.

"A good marriage is not a marriage where there is no negativity. It is a marriage where the couple knows each other deeply and intimately, and can meet each other’s needs without any sacrifice to their own dignity and grace."

The Path to a Great Marriage

Couples can’t connect with each other, or learn what the other person needs, when they feel misunderstood and unloved. These feelings interfere with being able to learn about the other person’s weaknesses, emotional scars and personal shortcomings. Learning how to use negative emotions to inform and guide closeness rather than create distance and emotional alienation is the key to the “sanity” method for couples.

Learning how to stop pushing away feelings because we think they are destructive or unproductive is at the heart of Claudia Luiz’s method, leading to helping couples understand themselves better, in sickness and in health, with newfound compassion for themselves as individuals and for their partner.

Some of the benefits of learning what to do with emotions include:

  • Help with fertility problems
  • Healing from emotional scars from childhood unhappiness or trauma
  • A new kind of trust based on learning how to understand each other in new ways
  • An appreciation for how to be close and how to be separate people – and when
  • More emotional stability and resilience
  • Greater concentration and focus for the whole family
  • Newfound intimacy and depth to the relationship
  • Renewed commitment to the vows of marriage


 Claudia Luiz’s program teaches you the benefits of experiencing and utilizing a wide range of negative emotions common to marriage, but most especially disappointment, frustration, and betrayal. These emotions are typically too painful for couples, making it difficult to come to terms with the negative energies that are invariably there, which, ironically, escalates them.
At the end of this program, couples will be able to:

  • Learn how to get past feeling unloved and disappointed to understand their partners shortcomings better
  • Understand the importance of using negativity towards greater clarity and understanding
  • Develop more compassion for their own feelings of disappointment, frustration and betrayal
  • Learn new listening skills that encourage the expression of all emotions
  • Develop a new arsenal of responses to each other’s unreasonable, unresolved and overly negative emotions.

Most approaches to couples therapy teach new behaviors for restoring intimacy, increasing communication or trying to move couples into a more compassionate, loving place. Claudia Luiz’s method teaches couples how to take a step back from these positive approaches, by first beginning to take stock of their emotions in a new way. This teaches couples how to trust and use their own emotions, and be able to talk about what they are feeling safely and openly. Each partner learns to trust their own perceptions, and compassion follows naturally from feeling understood. Being able to embrace, use and process a wide range of emotions gives a partnership the depth that enhances meaning and creates enduring positive memories.

Couples can feel devastated by their partner’s lack of understanding or by their blocks to loving or feeling loved. But while most approaches try to skip over these blocks, Claudia Luiz’s method focuses on what they are, how to understand them and work with them in new ways. This “real” approach takes into account that blocks to loving and feeling loved are inevitable, and have to be worked through before positivity can be achieved.

This is why “sanity” training is so important: helping couples know what to do with their disappointment, frustration and betrayal gets to the heart of what prevents us all from feeling cherished and loved.

The good news is that no matter how great the disappointment or frustration, learning how negative feelings can inform and guide us is what helps motivated couples understand how to help each other grow through a deeper understanding of blocks to loving and being loved. Whether dealing with infidelity, job loss, parenting children with special needs or other challenges to happiness in marriage, the “sanity” training helps couples learn how to understand and work with their emotions in a new way, so that all emotions can be used to draw you closer.

When feelings of disappointment, frustration and betrayal are addressed and used constructively, couples are able to hear and process their partner’s feelings and behaviors. This is the first step to figuring out what your partner needs. The power of the “sanity” method is that emotions that couples usually push away or struggle with can actually be used to advise the best plans of action.

For the past half-century, most self-help programs for couples have been used to move couples to a more positive place. However, feelings of disappointment, frustration and betrayal can unwittingly block any positive plans to grow closer, sometimes ironically backfiring into a worsened condition. Until couples learn how to listen to their own and each other’s most challenging emotions and use them, even the best approaches to becoming closer can fail. By addressing the emotions that interfere with couples being able to listen and hear each other, “Sanity” takes a step back from the usual approaches to start at the beginning: with what we really feel.

Being able to understand, listen to and use feelings of disappointment, frustration and betrayal, stops couples from reeling into behavioral and thought systems that are excessively hopeless, negative and alienating. Couples can learn where to take their emotions to achieve productive results: increased intimacy and mutual respect. The marriage can become a source of support, sustenance and positive stimulation.

claudiacroppedAbout Claudia Luiz, PsyaD

Claudia Luiz’s award-winning work is based on over 25 years of clinical practice as a Modern Psychoanalyst, using principles of “drive theory” which is the study of how positive and negative emotional energies are processed by each individual. This clinical method is written about extensively in scientific and theoretical journals, and talked about in institutes and societies, but rarely does the general public get to see how modern psychoanalysts think and work. Her mission is to bring this knowledge to mainstream America and beyond, so that people can learn how to follow their emotions to new experiences that create change.

Still Pushing Boundaries…

Claudia’s book, “Where’s My Sanity? Stories that Heal,” has been endorsed by the National Association for the Advancement of Psychoanalysis, the Society of Modern Psychoanalysis and has been included in the curriculums of four psychotherapy schools in the Northeast. It is the first book of stories ever to be reviewed in the Journal of Modern Psychoanalysis.