I have two girls and it seems like every little thing is a competition. How can I help them be more loving and compassionate towards each other?
Sick of being in a judging competition
Dear Sick of judging,
Yes, I know this well.
“Mo-om, look at mine. It’s the best, isn’t it?
We get sick of the neediness and pride and lack of humility that children express when they demand that we give them feelings we don’t want to give them.
But give them the feelings they want as much as possible. That’s what’s going to make them sensitive, caring people.
So give your children like to feel like winners, give them a win. Say “Oh, yes, yours is definitely the best, Jenna.” Of course, your other child will then say “But Mo-om, how come you said Jenna’s is the best?” And then you can say “Well, Cherie, I was thinking yours is the best tall one.”
Your impulse is going to be not to give your competitive children the feelings they’re looking for, because you want to teach them to be more humble, less judgmental and to stop comparing themselves to others. You can still teach them all this, just at a later time. Your children like feeling like winners. When children feel like winners is when they can learn the more subtle lessons of what really matters in life.